Saturday, December 30

The Ultimate Pat Burrell Post: Part 3 - Walks

Please read with an open mind:

Continuing with our Burrell Posts, today we will attempt to rectify the argument that Burrell is only looking to walk and not swing the bat...

The statement we so often hear:
Pat Burrell sucks. He walks way too much and doesn't swing the bat when it matters most

A year ago you could substitute Abreu’s name in there. The statement that Burrell is only looking for a walk is often presented by Burrell-haters using his famous “ass-out” strikeout pose as proof. Their claim is that your cleanup hitters should not be looking for a walk rather they should be driving in runs. On this issue, however, we cannot not totally disagree with the argument. Your 3-4-5 hitters are your RBI guys and we all know you can’t get many of them simply by walking. Being aggressive at the plate is indeed something Burrell needs to work on… After all, we here at Driven to Deep Center are not calling Burrell the most perfect or complete player.

Being selective can have its advantages though. In 2006, Burrell led the National League in P/PA with 4.3. This is a stat that every player should strive to be on top of. We so often hear that we want Rollins to look at more pitches (maybe only because he is our leadoff man). But you will never hear a fan state “Damn, (insert players name here) sucks. He never swings at the first pitch. He takes a lot of pitches and is very selective.” Burrell leading the team (and league) in pitches seen has many perks. For one, it drives the pitchers pitch count up. Yes, this is a small facet of being selective but it is true. It also allows other teammates to get a look at the opposing pitchers arsenal. Once again, this isn’t a huge perk of Burrell’s selectivity. It is, however, a plus.

A high On Base Percentage is also a stat every player should try to improve. Burrell’s OBP the past 3 years:
2004: .365
2005: .389
2006: .388
Talk about consistency…even in Burrell’s ‘horrific’ 2006, his OBP was practically identical to his fantastic 2005. Also, I never read Michael Lewis’ Moneyball, but I am pretty sure one of the methods Billy Beane used to building a winning team was the underrated OBP. Burrell excels in this area. A higher OBP results in a higher turnover in the lineup, more opportunities for runs to score and higher pitch counts to opposing pitchers. Also, when Burrell goes into those weeklong slumps he is known to have (like all player in baseball), his OBP remains a constant in his game. He will still be on base almost 40% of the time always making his at-bat a productive one. Once again the underlying theme in a high OBP is greater opportunities to score runs, which after all is how you win baseball games.

We here agree his aggressiveness at the plate, especially with runners on, should be improved. Leading the league in strikeouts looking is something no player wants to be known for and is a very frustrating part of Pat’s game. But remember that September 15 game at Houston? Burrell was up in the first inning, vs the Rocket, bases loaded, 3-2 count…half of Philly expecting a strikeout. Nope…an aggressive Pat hit a grand slam, winning the game for us. Final score: 4-3. All runs knocked in by ‘the bat’. That is the aggressiveness we agree needs to be a part of Burrell’s game in 2007. Please, however, don't knock the man for having an OBP hovering close to .400 or a P/PA that leads the league.

Once again, we are not claiming that Pat Burrell is the best Phillie ever or that he is the next Willie Mays. Just simply stating that he is the most unjustly hated Pro Athlete in Philadelphia today. Thank you.

Tomorrow: Day off... Happy New Years!

Thursday, December 28

The Ultimate Pat Burrell Post: Part 2 - Contract

Please read with an open mind:

Continuing with our Burrell Posts, today we will attempt to analyze the contract of our left fielder...

The statement we so often hear:
Pat Burrell's contract is detrimental to our club

Let us now present to you some contract figures. The number in parentheses is the age of the hitter when the contract was given.
- 8 years, $136 million (30)
- 5 years, $50 million (32)
- 6 years, $100 million (30)
- 6 years, $50 million (26)

Based solely on those numbers, nothing else considered, the last contract listed would be the one most baseball teams would like to accept. It involves a younger player worth a considerable less amount based on the others mentioned. Now you may be saying “Giving a 6 year contract worth 50 million dollars to a 26 year old hitter with Abraham Nunez skills and giving a 6 year contract worth 100 million dollars to a 30 year old hitter with Manny Ramirez skills can’t be compared.” We agree. A player’s statistical capabilities should obviously be taken into account when discussing contracts. So let us talk about the players who took these offers.

Player one is Soriano’s offer he took from the Cubs. The second player is Gary Matthews Jr’s offer the Angels shed out. The third is Carlos Lee and his Astros’ contract. The last is our focus point, Pat Burrell. All four are corner outfielders with the exception of Matthews. For the sake of argument, we can all say that Soriano is the best of the four and Gary Matthews Jr is the worst. Burrell and Lee can be argued for second and third place with most people probably saying Lee is better. Based on contract amount and length, however, it is difficult to justify Lee getting $50 million more than Burrell. Lee was also four years older than Pat when the contract was signed. Matthews got an equal amount which is horrid considering Burrell was six years younger at the signing. Soriano’s is just plain ridiculous. So what does this say? Based on the years and dollar amounts that players are receiving today and will receive in the future, can we possibly consider Burrell’s contract a bargain?

Now, we understand that this only makes Burrell’s contract look more feasible in comparison to this insane free agent market. We know there are hitters out there with better numbers than Burrell that are making less. But we often hear from fans and radio broadcasters alike that Burrell’s contract is doing nothing but hurting our team. We hear that the Phillies are ‘handicapped’ by his enormous deal. Maybe this case could be made when his salary was bundled up with the contracts of Abreu, Wolf and Lieberthal. Those players and their money, however, are long gone now and we are now just left with Burrell’s $13 million. For a club with a payroll hovering around $95 million, it is a very feasible amount to handle. If we were the $14 million Marlins and Burrell was eating up over 90% of our money, then I would be complaining. The Phillies, however, are in the top ten in all of baseball in payroll. Handling Burrell’s sum, in our opinion, should in no way be a detriment to acquiring talent elsewhere. You can argue that Burrell isn’t worth the 13 million we are going to pay him in 2007 (we will disagree), however, making an argument that his salary needs to be dumped before we can move on as a club is just absolutely wrong. And before getting mad at Burrell for hogging up all our money, why not get mad at the source of the problem: the Phillies owners. They are the money hungry rats you should be complaining about. They could easily go over 100 million if they wanted to. Don't hold your breath though.

Just wait until 2013 when an abundance of players are making over $25 million a year. You will sit back and laugh saying "We were mad Burrell made 13 million?"

Once again, we are not claiming that Pat Burrell is the best Phillie ever or that he is the next Mickey Mantle. Just simply stating that he is the most unjustly hated Pro Athlete in Philadelphia today. Thank you.

Tomorrow: The 'Only Looks to Walk' Debate

The Ultimate Pat Burrell Post: Part 1 - Clutch

Please read with an open mind:

Here it is…basically one of the reason we started this page. After this series of posts, the record on everyone’s whipping boy, Patrick Brian Burrell, will finally be set straight...hopefully. If you don’t want Burrell to any longer remain a Philadelphia Phillie, then read this. If you loathe everything about him and boo every time ‘Holy Diver’ plays at Citizens Bank Park…then you MUST read this. My other team member, Patrick, and I have now gotten together and constructed, using only facts and stats, a series of posts on why Burrell should not be run out of town. We thought about the main complaints of Burrell and have come up with six main arguments fans give: Clutchness, Salary, Meaningless Homeruns, Strikeouts, Defensive Liability, and Always Looks to Walk. We will now try to argue against each claim and present an alternative viewpoint on Pat Burrell.

For today we will simply rectify the classic Philadelphia statement:
Pat Burrell Can’t Hit in the Clutch.

First, let’s take a look at how “clutch” he was during the past three years (We don’t feel it is necessary to go back further than this, and his great 2002 year and his abysmal 2003 year even out):

w/ RISP:
2004: .263/.392/.361
2005: .313/.429/.598
2006: .222/.376/.346

Like many other players around baseball analyzed, Burrell fits the mold as someone whose numbers w/ RISP fluctuate from year to year. These numbers here show that Pat Burrell hits either bad, mediocre, or excellent. His SLG is slightly down, but his AVG and OBP are up in these situations. The drop in slugging is problematic, but the fact that he is getting on base and whacking base hits is encouraging. Historically hitters generally hit for better average w/ RISP, so Burrell’s jump in average is to be expected.

w/RISP and 2 outs:
2004: .317/.453/.500
2005: .295/.426/.693
2006: .167/.363/.256

So while Burrell is mediocre w/ RISP, he is rather good w/ RISP and 2 outs. His struggles in this department last year are well documented, but the prior 2 years he was on fire. This is all despite the prevalence of hitters to hit less than their normal AVG with 2 outs and RISP. So, in conclusion, the numbers show that Burrell isn’t a Manny Ramirez or Derek Jeter who will put up ridiculous numbers with Runners in Scoring Position. But, he also is not an Alfonso Soriano or a Ryan Howard, both of whom have consistently hit well below their normal average w/ RISP. That is not to take anything away from Mr. MVP, but it just shows how biased fans can be sometimes. If you are going to rip Pat Burrell, there are certainly things you can complain and rant and rave about, but hitting with runners in scoring position is not one of these things.

Close & Late Game Situations (according to
2004: .222/.387/.361
2005: .272/.381/.444
2006: .217/.393/.435

This is an area where you can find fault with Burrell’s play. If you take the three-year average, his AVG is in-line with his normal numbers, OBP is a slight upgrade, but the SLG is once again down. Problematic? Yes. You sure as hell don’t want one of your power hitters to have a drop in SLG. But, for some to say he cracks under the pressure or can’t come up with the big hit, is going overboard.

Runners On: .271/.379/.486/
Bases Empty: .246/.345/.473

Career numbers show a better everything with Runners On as opposed to his numbers with nobody on base. In a future post, we will tackle the “Pat Burrell only hits when it’s a blowout" argument. Now clearly we are not using the numbers above to prove that Pat Burrell is a clutch-hitting machine, but instead trying to debunk the myth that he can’t hit when it matters.

But, you can’t stop some morons from looking at the 2006 numbers and figuring that’s what he’s been doing his entire year in clutch situations, even though it simply isn’t the case. True, Burrell doesn’t set himself apart in clutch situations, but few players actually do. His normal career numbers and his clutch numbers are basically the same. And even if you want to get on him for his 2006 performance in these scenarios, you’ve got to give him his due credit for his outstanding 2005 performances...which had him seventh in the MVP voting. When was the last time anyone on the radio mentioned that? And that’s the thing, fans are lopsided and only see what they want to see. And now we will have to wait and see how Pat the Bat comes out of the gate in 2007. Hopefully the Phillies fans will take their blinders off and common sense will prevail in this now monumental argument that has pitted sons vs. fathers, girlfriends vs. boyfriends, and bloggers vs. bloggers.

So this concludes only part one of a remaining six Burrell posts that we have all lined up for you all. In the coming days we will post on the other 5 arguments mentioned above as well as a concluding statement post summing up our overall feelings on this issue. We would greatly appreciate any feedback, comments, arguments or agreements on our viewpoints. Our emails our listed and the comment section is always open. If we missed something about Burrell that should be mentioned, we will be more than happy to argue or agree with it.

Once again, we are not claiming that Pat Burrell is the best Phillie ever or that he is the next Ted Williams. Just simply stating that he is the most unjustly hated Pro Athlete in Philadelphia today. Thank you.

Tomorrow: Contract Talk

Thank You Giants

So Zito is staying on the west coast and far away from the Mets...and, in turn, the Phillies. After agreeing to a contract worth $126,000,000 for 7 years, Barry Zito is off the market and paid the big bucks we all knew Boras was going to get him. This in turn leaves our division foe with a putrid rotation. As of now they have Pedro for half the year, old 'El Duque,' older Glavine, rookie John Maine, and...I guess Oliver Perez?

Wow...makes me giggle a little inside. I don't know enough about their minor league system to know how deep they are, but from what I understand, they aren't a club like the Braves and have little to trade. Lastings Milledge is apparently their biggest chip and I doubt they will get much for him. Also, of the remaining free agent starting pitchers left, only 3 maybe scare me. One being Clemens...and we know he isn't signing to the Mets. Two being Mulder...but he was an injury case last year. Three being Ryan Franklin...HAHAHAHAHAHA.

But seriously though, this news filled me with great joy. I was often thinking "I don't care if Zito goes to the Mets, one pitcher isn't going to bring them a championship, they are going to overpay anyways, plus Zito is overrated." Deep down, however, I knew I wanted nothing to do with a Mets team that had Barry headlining their rotation. And although it is still awhile until the season starts, it is nice to know that all those Mutts fans around the country are crying inside.

So here's to you...

Also, please be sure to check back tomorrow. My team member, Patrick, and I are going to be busy all day constructing what we like to call "The Ultimate Pat Burrell Post." All haters beware, it may make you queezy. Challenge us...we dare you.

Sunday, December 24

Merry Christmas

I hope all you Phillies phans have a happy holiday and a Merry Christmas.

Go Phils...

Friday, December 22

I'm going back to the Coste

Increasingly, day in and day out, I feel bad for Chris Coste more and more. First, he spends 46 years in the minors and finally makes his big league debut, at 33 (I know that math doesn't make sense). He hit exceptionally well and worked exceptionally well with the pitchers. He basically won a late crucial game for us against florida with his 3-run bomb in September. Then practically caught the last week of the season, including that 14 inning debacle against the Nationals. He truly was a feel good story..Something Philadelphia loves. He had movie deals thrown at him and was becoming a fan favorite. Oh...and he bat .328 for us.

So all is good in the hood right? You would think so, however, this is the Phillies and they do make you scratch your head. We sign a veteran catcher with great leadership who is a proven winner to help MENTOR Carlos Ruiz. Coste is now the third man out. Ok...this is not TOO bad for Chris...he can still be a bench player to catch late if needed and pinch hit in crucial situations since he seemed to excel at that. That makes sense, right?

No...straight from

Gillick wouldn't commit a spot to Coste, last season's feel-good story.

"We need a left-hand hitter, so consequently the fact that Werth can catch some creates some flexibility there. So if we did acquire a left-hitter, someone could be in jeopardy," Gillick said.

Not to make light of suicide...but if my name was Christopher Coste...I'd be hanging off the Walt Whitman right now with a baseball bat shoved in my heart. How can you not commit a spot to Coste? I realize winning is the first priority and that player's emotions should be left at the door. But this guy not only spent his whole life in the minors trying to make it the show...he excelled in big situations for us. Granted, the odds of him hitting over .320 next year aren't likely, but the man deserves the chance. And I realize this is all premature and that spring training is still months away. But if Chris Coste is playing for the Ironpiglets come next April because Gillick thinks Ruiz needs MENTORING, I am going to join Coste with his weaping.


Also, Conine is in Cincinnati. Thats doesn't kill me, but the fact that Gillick couldn't really get any bullpen help is frustrating. He apparently isn't as optimistic as he was 3 weeks ago about being able to acquire quality arms in the 'pen. Hmm...well...I hope he is just bluffing like he was with not trading Floyd, because if our bullpen isn't upgraded our 2007 season my turn out like Chris Coste: Gone








And since this post was negative and depressing, here is a video that will positively make you laugh. SNL basically sucks now and so does Justin Timberlake. This video, however, proves both stereotypes wrong.

Monday, December 18

Cole's Lady

Rather than go over last May, I will save that post for a rainy day when there is nothing else to speak of. I do now, however, have a very interesting subject that should be talked about extensively. It has to do with one of our pocket aces, the younger more pimpish one: King Cole... but not just Hamels or his stats or his flowing hair or his strikeout dominance or his rarely known facts. But let us now take a look at his fiance because "behind every great man is a great woman." And I would not mind having this woman behind me...or vice versa.

Her name?: Heidi Strobel

Where she is from, where she went to school, what she studied in, what her hobbies are, what is her favorite color, food and musical taste???: Who cares when you look like this (the blonde)...

...and there it is. My post on Cole's fiance. Do you really want to know more about her? Then go look on wikipedia or something because that picture pretty much sums it all up for me.

Now about the article that inspired me to write this: King Cole gets hitched. And while I should be saying congratulations and all that to the kid, he is certaintly missing out on the Burrell-like ass that Old City presents to ballplayers. Cole could have ladies hotter than Heidi on a daily basis, but then again I guess love is nice and all that...blah blah blah. So besides bitching about our future ace wasting his twentys on what could be numerous amounts of random play, I will list some quotes from Cole himself.

"I've attended a few charity events, and gotten to know what Philadelphia has to offer, so I can put in some time here outside of baseball and help the community when I have a chance."

"A lot of people are counting on me to succeed, and I know what I have to do this winter to succeed."

"I know that when you're playing well the city will do anything for you, while it's a little tougher when you're struggling. But they are behind you, because they definitely want to see you win."

"I read Driven To Deep Center everyday because that kid that writes on there is so awesome."

...What a nice dude

Sunday, December 17

Month By Month: APRIL

Since baseball has been sort of dormant and Phillies news hasn't been front-page worthy, I thought it to be fitting to take a look back at the season of 2006. It was, in my opinion, an extremely entertaining time with periods of sheer depression. And since school is DONE (thank the Lord), I now have time to keep this page updated. Today's month: APRIL

Besides being my birthmonth, April is the greatest 30 days of the year. After being teased by Spring Training, baseball is finally back. This April marked the start of the Gillick-era...or as I call it "Life after douchey." It was the unleashing of Howard AND Utley for an entire season and, of course, the continuation of Rollins' streak...which happens to top the list of great moments of this past April:

1) The scene: Rainy, Cold day in early April. The Phillies are losing by about 2832 runs... I stopped keeping score. Bottom of the 8th. Two outs. Jimmy Rollins steps up to the plate 0 for 4 with a 36 game hit streak on the line. The count is 3 balls and no strikes. I, being one of the few fans who stuck around to see this, was hoarse from all the booing I was throwing at the Cardinals pitcher. Everyone knows that no matter what pitch is coming next, Rollins is hacking at it. The Pitch.... swing... contact... double. Besides the first two strike outs lieber had in the first inning, it was basically the only thing to cheer about. It made the loss to the eventual World Series champs less heartbreaking and gave me a reason not to crash my car off the Walt Whitman on the way back to Jersey.

2) The scene: Brisk, Sunny April afternoon. The Phillies are tied 0-0 with the baby fish in the bottom of the 2nd. Some people didn't realize the inning started as Howard stepped up to the plate. I was just returning to my seat after going to the bathroom and then it happened...Howard smashed the absolute shit out of a baseball. And I am not just talking a normal homerun shot. No...Howard made this ball his eternal bitch. If baseball was prison, that ball would be Howard's prag. I jumped out of my seat the second he swung because it was one of those balls you just knew was gone. At first, I never saw it land and honestly said to my buddies I was with "Did that leave the stadium!?!?" Of course it didn't, but it did land a RIDICULOUS 496 feet awat from homeplate. He then hit a second homer later in the game only about 5 rows away from my seats, but watching that first ball leave the park (and I am going to be graphic here so if you are sensitive continue on to number 3) sort of got me aroused. I have no shame in admitting that.

3) The scene: the 0-4 Phillies are forcing suicidal thoughts into the brains of die-hard phans around the world. Lieber sucked in his start, Myers only lasted 5 innnings before Gordon (in his first appearance) gave up the lead, Lidle also only lasted his usual 5 on the same day Rollins' streak came to a depressing halt, and Floyd just flat out sucked. It was now Madson's day to continue the suckiness. But, to our suprise, he did not. He pitched 6 effective innings only giving up one earned run. And after being tied in the bottom of the ninth with 2 outs and 2 men on, up steps one of the best outfielders the Phillies have ever had. Abreu lifts one to left field finally giving the Phillies their first win. Of course they lost again just 4 hours later. was comforting to know that they would win at least one game by May.

The worst moments of April?
- The 1-6 start
- The extinction of Jimmy's streak
- Opening Day
- Floyd's constant disapointment
- Our ace's era being over 7 by May
- Once again ending 10-14

It is also important to note that Howard finished this month with only 5 homeruns and the season with 58. He hit 53 from May to September!!!

Also, as depressing as April may have been, it pales in comparison to the nightmare that is the Flyers and Sixers. Ed Snider is doing a killer job as an owner!! I wish we had the better Snider running our teams...Dee

Tuesday, December 12

Bore ASS

Super agent, millionaire, baseball, negotiator, lucifer, douche, dick and balls...all words associated with Mr Scott Boras. What has he ever done to me? Well...nothing personally, but then again The Backstreet Boys never personally affected my life and they still suck. Watching Scott Boras and reading about this tool makes me want to vomit. He is a money hungry buttrug and while I cannot put full blame on this ridiculously overpriced free agent market on him, he is no way helping baseball get back to normalcy.

I am going to preface this next paragraph by stating something: I in no way like the Red Sox nor do I wish them well...EVER. They are the NEW New York Yankees and should be laughed at for spending that absurd amount of money to talk to someone who has never played in Majors. They won their World shut up. However...

Scott Boras is playing them for fools. He realizes that they have no leverage at all with this situation and is literally asking the Red Sox to pay 100 million dollars ON TOP OF the 51.1 million already paid. From what I read, he is not letting Matsuzaka attend contract negotiation meetings and is not going to budge from 100 mill. Another report is claiming that he is willing to let Matsuzaka walk (or fly in this sense) back to Japan just to set an example and show that the posting system should be changed. He is basically hurting the Red Sox chances next year (although they can still win without him) and is hurting the Seibu Lions since they won't recieve that 51.1 million dollars just to make a point! He is also willing to let this kid go all the way back to Japan to pitch instead of here in the Majors. This is a horribloe stubborn douche of a man who is doing nothing but hurting baseball.

While searching him on the greatest website ever (Wikipedia), I came across a contoversy section on the page. You can read it here. Also shown was his list of clients. He has over 65! From what I briefly read through, no Phillies are on that list. I did, however, hear someone saying that Utley was one of his clients. I pray this is not true. I also pray Howard stays far far far away from him.

Five things I bet you didn't know Scott Boras was responsible for:
1) The second shooter on the grassy knoll
2) Killed Tupac (not Biggie...that was Drew Rosenhaus)
3) Heckled Michael Richards dressed as a black man
4) Genetically engineered Kevin Federline
5) Inflamed my appendix causing surgery

And let us not forget he was behind the Gay-D Drew fiasco. This doesn't piss me off to much because I would rather hate Drew than like him. But's the principle of the thing.

P.S. I was going to post a picture of my stomach after my appendix was removed, but it was graphic, disgusting and shows a little too much of my lower body (which is gay). So to make up for what could have been...

Oh...this is a Phillies website?
The only news I want to say about them is that I heard Garcia's conference call on and I couldn't understand one word he said. He apparently claimed he is happy to be in Philadelphia which is nice.

Monday, December 11

Bring Them Back

Andy Pettitte is making his return to the Yankees and if I was a fan of those overpaid bums, I would be happy to see someone of his caliber back with the club. Sure, he is grossly overpaid and isn't even close to an ace anymore, but I am sure there is something special about seeing a player like him return to your team. Which brought up the question: What Phillies would I most like to see make a return to red pinstripes. And not just any Phillies to fill any position. Here is my list of top 5 (active, non-active, alive, dead) who could help us in 2007:

1) Michael Jack Schmidt
If not because of his 70's porno mustache, then simply because I want to hear Harry do that signature call. I was 4 years old when he retired, so I basically never heard it nor did I really ever see him play. Also, from what I hear, we had a problem at 3rd base last year. And I personally think adding the best 3rd baseman of all time might help our club. Don't you? And according to some people, our biggest offseason need was a right handed power bat to protect Howard. Problem solved.

2) Tug McGraw
Another member of that 1980's team who I never got to see play. In fact, he retired the year before I was born...that son of a bitch. Tugger is basically in the best Philadelphia sports picture ever (see right) and with his beautiful left arm, won the only championship this team has ever seen. And once again, from what I hear, we need help in the bullpen? Well, the most fun-loving pimp reliever we have ever seen could help fill that role. McGraw is just too cool to NOT mention.

3) Pete Rose
Well...I guess I am basically just picking players from 1980, but I would love to see this ugly bastard back on the Phillies. And I know you might hate him because he (*GASP*) gambled, but isn't having the winningest player in baseball history worth it. His position? Well, he can basically play them all but Id stick in right field for us in 2007. He is basically the 1980 Rowand because he does the only thing some fans care hard. Except with Rose you get an added bonus: insane offensive production. The all-time hit king would fit nicely into our 2-hole and would often give Howard something to knock in. Is he an asshole? Sure... but don't you want to win?

4) Richie Ashburn
Alas, a player who didn't win a world series for us, although he did get us there. Did I ever see Ashburn play? Obviously not. But I do know a few things about this stud. He is a hall of famer, played a sick center field, is a clearcut leadoff hitter, has a .308 lifetime batting avg, and has a nickname of whitey...which would compliment Howard nicely I think. He was awesome in the booth with Kalas and while I don't hate Rollins leading off...I am 100% positive he is a better option than Jimmy.

5) Darren Daulton
Yea...there are better options from the all-time Phillies' greats than Dutch...but we need a catcher. And with the 1993 Daulton back on our team, we would possibly have the biggest female fanbase ever: Burrell, Utley, Daulton, Howard, Rollins...all freakin pimp daddies. Daulton was someone who led the Phillies in 1993 and was a fan favorite (especially by my mother...that hussy). Daulton also brings something else besides baseball talent: enlightenment. He could tell our players all about the spirits and revelations that will occur in 2012. Also, since he knows the world will apparently change then, he will be more motivated to win the World Series before that very fateful date.

Notice anything about these Phils? All brought our team to a World Series. So there it is...your 2007 Philadelphia Phillies
The Lineup:

Your Closer: McGraw

Trade Rowand for extra bullpen help and use Victorino as our 4th outfielder. And yes...I did keep Burrell on our team. Think of the ladies this team would rake in. That means more females at Citizens Bank Park, which gives me more chances to score..or strike out.

The rotation remains in tact. Wow, on second thought I probably (actually definitely) should have said Carlton. Hmm...big, horrible mistake there. Oh well, I am too lazy/busy to change anything I just wrote...stupid finals

Still, our team would kick ass.

The Five I don't want back:
Urbina (he kills people!!)

Saturday, December 9

A Place I Have Never Been

Why didn't the Phillies make the postseason in 2006? Well, the obvious (and smartass) answer would be the Dodgers won more games. But why did the Phillies only get to 85 wins, when it seemed at the end of the year that they were a team capable of over 90? You could argue clutch hitting was our problem, a shot bullpen in August, or an incompetent manager. And all of these did inhibit our team's winning potential, however, we must not forget the 40 games started by: Scott Mathieson, Gavin Floyd, Ryan Madson, Adam Bernero, Aaron Fultz and Eude Brito. Did you ever once say "OH YES, [insert one of those dillweeds here] is pitching today! We gotta win." If you did then I am envious of your optimism...but still think you are probably mentally challenged.

So, if I am correct, these pitchers were the biggest inhibitors to our team's playoff chances. Why did we have to put up with them? For what reason were we forced to see our bullpen pitch in the 4th inning? A horrible 2005 offseason. We started spring training only sure of THREE starters in our rotation and entered April with a player who never started a major league game and a very shaky prospect. They never took off so it left us with 2 holes. Thankfully the king (not asswipe eskin) stepped in and took care of one slot, but we had to wait until Wolf came back in July to fill the other position. Never having a stable rotation ruined us in 2006. Why am I telling you something you already know? Because our 2007 outlook is drastically different.

Its not even Christmas and we have a set rotation. In fact, we have too many about that? We have to get rid of one of our starters. When was the last time you felt like this as a Phan: "Oh shit...we have to many pitchers who can help us. I guess we have to rid our lives of one to improve our team." Basically the job of a GM in the offseason is to fill the holes of the previous season. Our biggest hole: an incomplete rotation. That hole has been filled up like Paris Hilton. Our offense is practically the same...except we are upraded at 3rd base and I guess right field...if Shane is there. Our bullpen hasn't improved but like I said..."Merry Christmas" hasn't even been said yet.

So here I am with a feeling I have never felt before. Sitting here looking at our 2007 team and seeing that our starting rotation isn't just complete...but strong. It is a strange, sexy feeling that I wish I felt more often. I sort of feel like I'm taking crazy pills.

Also...I was going to post another Carmen pic. Bloodstripes sent me one via email but it wasn't PG-13. That dirty Aussie sent me a picture with exposed TnA!!!!!! How nasty those blokes down under are!
I liiiike...

Thursday, December 7

Scrooge McPhan

Gillick made a move and regardless of what you may think, he upgraded our 2007 team. You cannot possibly make a good argument that Lieber is better than Garcia. And we all know that adding Freddy allows us to improve in our pen with another trade. We got rid of Floyd and got something positive in return. We did, however, also lose a highly regarded lefty prospect. Gio had the potential to be great...but that is all we traded: potential. I was thrilled that Gillick pulled the strings and is trying to compete now. Howard and Utley are hitting their primes and it would be a shame to waste that talent by waiting for prospects to grow. And while I thought the general consensus would be a positive one...I was proven wrong.

While I checked the normal 10-12 phillies' pages I read everyday, I began to notice a trend of negativity about this deal. That phorum I read just about all the time was trashing Gillick, saying he ruined this team, destroyed and depleted the pharm, and set us back five years. Now...I never claimed to know it all when it comes to anything. Baseball is what I love the most and I personally feel I have a good grasp on things when it comes to the Phillies. I am not a numbers buff and really don't know what half the shit they post even means. Does this make me a unreliable source for Phillies thoughts?...Some may think so, but I do know one thing: Trading ONE prospect (who has a dumb first name...Gio?) and another kid who seems to have lost his baseball ability WILL NOT TAKE US FIVE YEARS TO OVERCOME! It was one kid who was forecasted to be a number 2 or about two years from now. And as I switched on Eskin (during Jody Mac's commercial break), I knew he was gonna bitch about something. His complaint? 'We got Garcia for too something must be wrong with him.' TOO CHEAP!! That was his complaint. We didn't give up enough! And then I have come to realize something...a revelation if you will. No matter what any GM in this city does he will be called an idiot. Most of the time it is called for...any Ed Wade decision, for instance, is an example. But give credit when it is due. Be skeptical and cautious, sure, that's what these pages are for: venting and giving opinions on some of the idiots who run our sports...but for christ's sake don't say trading a AA player ruined this franchise. Trading Hamels, Utley and Howard for Jose Mesa...then you can bitch.

I would argue that if Gillick traded his box of tissues for Justin Verlander people would complain. Because "What if Gillick gets a cold?...HOW THE HELL WILL HE BLOW HIS NOSE?...YOU CAN'T BE A GM WITH A RUNNY NOSE! WHAT A FREAKIN MORON!...THIS SEASON IS OVER!"

One last thought...Manuel embarasses me when he speaks. I just saw him interviewed on and the man can't make a coherent sentence. The fact that he represents the Phillies brings me such shame.

Oh...I was also told that adding a picture of Carmen Electra instantly upgrades a blog. So here is to my further enrichment of this page:

...couldn't agree more

PS: That makes two Eskin bashes in the past three posts...I am proud of myself

Wednesday, December 6

Big League Gillick

Note: Be sure to read below so I don't sound like to much of an ass.

It all started on the "We Should Be GMs" comments section. The conversation began with trade and free agency rumors, then a little Burrell convo was thrown in, then Geary being a nerd was mentioned and how much Gavin Floyd isn't worth our headaches, then the best gum in the world was brought up...Big League Chew. The shredded bubblegum that fills your mouth with such juicy goodness that it is impossible to not feel like a pimp when stuffing your face with it. I believe furiousball summed it up the best: "If grape big league chew was served at fine restaurants, I would order it with a tenacity unforeseen by mankind." A truer statement could not have been stated. And while reminiscing of the euphoria that Big League Chew brought me while sitting in the dugout during little league, I began to ponder the other things that brought me bliss. My kickass dog, playing xbox, cartoons, watching my hamster run in his stupid ball, and Carmen Electra are just a few things that came to mind. The one name, however, that did not come anywhere near my thoughts was a man named Gillick.

Up until this day, I never trashed Gillick. Sure, I was pissed on how little we got in return for Bobby and was depressed when his big signing last offseason was Franklin. Or was it Nunez? Santana? No, was Gonzalez, right? Either way it sucked. But in the back of my head I gave him the ultimate benefit of the doubt and thought it would take him a year to settle in and make this team a winner. After all, how many times have we been reminded of his playoff track record? So I gave it a year and was less and less impressed everyday. Sure, Moyer was nice and Conine was good for the time being but I need some satisfaction. Gillick sounds like a freakin politician with the words he spits out to us. He was "more optimistic" about finding a pitcher by the end of the winter meetings and was "pleased" with his soriano talks. And these are fine things to say...but when I read that Gillick hasn't given up on Gavin Floyd stating "I don't think he needs a fresh start, I don't think there's any problem here. Some guys just take longer than others," I almost threw up. Hearing that Gillick might not follow through on a trade because he doesn't want to give up shithead Floyd sent me over the edge. The Big League Chew comment actually started because I stated I would trade Floyd for a pack of it. I gave Gillick time. He has the money. Let us see what he does with it.


My words were basically shoved straight down my throat. us...for none other than...Mr Sucky poo poo pants

My dreams were made reality. *FLOYD IS GONE* I no longer ever have to look at this douchebag pitch in Phillies red ever again. This also means Mr fatty fat ass will probably not be a Phillie in 2007. *FLOYD IS GONE* Another deal is almost a sure thing...Our club seems to be able to only improve at this point. *FLOYD IS GONE* Gillick has done something and I no longer can complain. Giving up Gio could hurt us in the long term but I can't be pessimistic at all right about now. *FLOYD IS GONE* And as questions are raised about who our 6th pitcher is (Madson?), I can only look towards a positive 2007. *FLOYD IS GONE* So for now, the title of this post is switched from sarcasm to truth. I am happy Gillick was able to get more in return for Floyd than a pack of Big League Chew...because I know that greedy bastard wouldn't have shared any with me.
One last time... *FLOYD IS GONE*

Tuesday, December 5

Deal or no Deal

I have been lied to and made a fool of. I was told for my entire life, through various media outlets, that college is all about 3 things: Beer, Girls and Parties. For my first 3 years of college (with the exception of the 6 months I spent partying with bloodstripes in Australia), I realize this was just a fabrication, but I held out hope that maybe it was senior year when all the boobies come out to play. Well...I was wrong to assume this and stupid to believe that movies like Van Wilder and Animal House were displaying reality. So to your comment Corey and Carson (whichever joker called me a college pussy today), yes...finals have ruined the past week of my life and have thus restricted me from talking about the one thing I love in this world: baseball. So before I talk about the Phillies, I would like to blame the movies for tricking me my entire life. Because while I have met girls as dumb as tara reid, not many were as hot.

Well, besides Padilla getting overpaid and Pujols backing off his words about our boy, the focus is on Gillick and his trading potential. Today, the talk was on Turnbow, Mench and Garcia. First thing, I was shocked to see that Mench isn't even 30 years old. Maybe it is just because he is fat and looks like Shrek that I assumed he was 60. Also, the fact that he finished the year with only 13 dingers is ridiculous considering he almost broke the consecutive homerun streak in April. He didn't even hit any homers after July 30. But I doubt we will land him anyways so there is no reason to talk about his stats unless he is wearing Phillies red. But there is someone who needs mentioning...Patrick Brian Burrell. You know him, right? The worst outfielder that ever played in Philadelphia. The most overpaid athelete in sports history. The player who has never hit a homerun after the 7th inning and doesn't leave the park unless the Phillies are winning by 6 runs. The player who cost the Phillies the playoffs in 2006. The player who had the worst '06 season out of every athlete in the MLB.

Oh...what's that you say? You mean this all isn't true? Is this all just bullshit talk made by grumpy radio hosts (Eskin..king of douche) who have no idea what they are talking about and pissed off sports writers (Conlin) who are depressed because Burrell doesn't want to do an interview with them? Interesting...

And now another criticizer (not sure if that is a word) who wants to jump in on this debate is Mr Green. And while I have always considered myself a huge Pat Burrell defender (send your hate mail to or just leave a comment below), I have no problem with Dallas' statements. Except one... he suggested Burrell stop pulling in hot, college ass to improve his baseball game. This is just absurd. Burrell not getting laid is like Wonder Woman without her magic lasso. They just go together. Green, however, was right on target when saying that it all rests on Burrell. "Guys like him are tough to come by. This kid, if he gets his priorities and focus straight, can recoup. It's his decision. He has to look in the mirror and recognize where his career is headed. It's either headed north or south. This is a crossroad for him." I believe, and I am being very optimistic here, that Burrell is very capable of being the 2005 hitter that carried us for most of that season. How can he get back to that? It's on him...but I know NOT getting laid won't help him.
I am also a little depressed that the only comparison I could come up with for Pat was wonder woman. How gay...

And now to a little Pat on Pat action. Mr Gillick just recently stated that they would be willing to trade Burrell ONLY if they get an equal return. This basically made my entire week of exam hell a little better. I am open to a trade for my favorite left-fielder ONLY if it is not a salary dump as previously speculated. To trade Burrell just to get rid of his contract makes no sense and won't improve our club at all. We aren't in desperate need of the money. If, however, we get a return that will help us in the short-term...I would be willing to say goodbye to my boy. And by help I don't mean class A crap players and a 7th inning relief pitcher. How about Burrell for Joe Mauer and/or Johan Santana? That is possible right?

Also, nice move to bring some soul into the broadcast booth.

Power to the people...

And I am sad to say that I never actually partied with bloodstripes. But I would have if I could.