Lock and Key?

This rant started on the We Should Be GM's comment section then continued when I wrote a diary on The Good Phight. It is about Matt Smith, and while he is probably not high up on the list of things to be really concerned about for 2007, I want to express my distaste for people saying that Matt Smith is a "lock" for the bullpen. Due to laziness and my need for sleep, I will just copy/paste my post from the Good Phight...

A lot of relievers are struggling this spring. It isn't cause for panic just yet, since there are still 3 weeks until opening day. But one reliever has got me thinking: Matt Smith.

He was said to be the best thing we got out of the Abreu trade and looked good last year for the Phillies. During the offseason, when talks about our need for arms in the bullpen arose, Smith was considered a lock to be our 'lefty specialist.' I never gave it much thought until now (and it's possible that if he wasn't struggling with an ERA in the 16's, I wouldn't be thinking about this at all), but should Smith be our main southpaw out of the pen?

To guarantee someone with only 20.2 innings pitched in his entire career a spot in a major league bullpen seems a bit extreme. Sure he pitched really well for both us and the Yankees, but if I recall correctly, Chris Coste did a hell of a job last season and he is guaranteed a spot in 2007. Also, Smith only pitched 8.2 innings in Philadelphia. And while he was great for us, the two earned runs he gave up in 2006 were against left-handed hitters. Not so great for a man called upon just to get lefties out. And I do understand that it was a small sample size.

I am willing to give him a chance and I completely understand the need for solid (lefty) arms in our incredibly shotty bullpen. But should Matt Smith get a free pass due to the 20.2 innings he pitched in his entire career? If he continues to have a horrible Spring, should Smith still be in our bullpen? Or will he just be there because we simply have nothing better?

I am probably just making a big deal out of nothing and hopefully he will succeed for us. I just hope the best possible players break camp in April because as of right now, our bullpen looks the inside of a Port-O-Potty. And Gordon's suspect trip up north isn't helping.

And because I don't like depressing or negative posts, here is a very funny picture to brighten our days...

...best bathroom ever.

My Man-Crush on Shane Victorino/Caption Contest

I am really no in the mood to discuss trade rumors that won't amount to anything. And talking about our horrid bullpen will only make me depressed. So I want to further express my (hetero-) love for our only American Phillie not born in the Continental United States: Shane "I am the coolest dude ever" Victorino.

Spring Training is basically meaningless. I actually just got into a squabble with a female friend of mine who happens to be a Yankees fan. She was trying to get under my skin by saying the Phillies sucks because they are 5-7 and the Yankees are 8-2. I told her she is a "dumb Yankee snob" and then showed her my pimp hand...no one talks trash on the Phillies!! And all while Spring Training rarely shows how good a player truly is or how good a team actually will be, watching (or in this case listening) to Victorino's play has been quite a treat.

We all know about him: Great arm, Great speed, Great on defense, A lot of heart, A lot of hustle, Hawaiian...there is very little to NOT like about his character and ability to play the game. But look at his stats thus far: 9 games, 29 at bats, 7 runs, 13 hits, 2 doubles, 2 stolen bases, 1 strikeout, .448 AVG. Simply amazing. We can't expect this ALL year but it is becoming apparent that Victorino is going to be a huge factor in the Phillies playoff push. If he does over a full season what he did when he was covering Rowand's reckless ass last year, I'll be satisfied. I honestly expect a remarkable season though.

I say over .300 with 13 homeruns and 60+ RBIs. He is still two years from his 'prime' and if last season and this Spring is any indicator of our future with this man, I see great things. As important as a leadoff hitter is, so is a good man for the 2-hole. Someone who makes contact and can move the runner. With Rollins and Victorino on the bases, pitchers will undoubtedly have a tough time focusing on Utley and Howard. Shane is a key component for the Phillies in 2007 and beyond. I don't ever want to hear trade rumors involving him.

Sidenote: He will not steal that many bases this season. Not because he isn't fast or sucks at it. It is just illogical for someone to steal second in front of a left-handed Utley.
Two reasons:
- It takes the hole away on the right side of the infield, thus taking away an advantage for Utley to pull the ball
- Consider this scenario: Rollins pops up, Victorino singles, Victorino steals 2nd, Utley strikes out. Guess who isn't getting pitched to next?

My Shane prediction of 2007: hits for the cycle

My Shane nickname: Volcanarino...a mix of Volcano and Victorino AKA the most cleverest thing ever!
Other names suggested by my roommate/team member, Muller: Hawaiian Gold, Pineapple Punisher, Volcano Penis (I didn't get that one), the Pacific Pounder, the Sandy Speedster, the Tanned Torpedo, the Maui Madman, the Honolulu Horror, Volcanic ASHole, and of course..."Fuck Alaska" Victorino. I would love to hear Harry Kalas use that one on a homerun call.

The Shane Victorino Caption Contest

What is he saying to this lucky fan that is making her so happy? I hope someone can top Corey's response in our last Caption Contest. If you're clever, leave it below.

300

I always try my best to keep everything on this site strictly about the Phillies. With the exception of my Rubik's Cube rant and pictures of Carmen Electra, I think I do just that. Today, however, I will say one quick thing that is not Phillies related, but everyone should hear:

GO SEE 300!

Trust me...

Why is SIX afraid of SEVEN?

There is a lot to be happy about going into the 2007 season. Our pitching seems to be stellar, our offense is tops in the league and the attitude is exuberant. While all of this is great, there is an aspect of our team that I feel is being overlooked by many. Remember that black hole the past two years? It was that feeling we all got deep in stomach after our sixth man in the lineup batted. We all knew what came next: David Bell, Mike Lieberthal, pitcher. Bell might have been good in 2004 and Lieberthal is probably one of the Phillies' best catchers ever. But in 2005 and 2006, we all knew that if the top of our lineup did not get it done, we were screwed by the end. Not this year...

Here is a question for you all: How many double plays did Bell hit into the past two years?
- 24 in 2005, 2nd most in the NL
- 18 in 2006, 9th most in the NL
And I don't hate David Bell, but he seemed to constantly be the ultimate rally killer. And he ran like a fairy.

Lieberthal was no better and while he didn't ground into nearly as many double plays, he wasn't the best at merely getting on base and turning the lineup over. His speed, along with Bell's, also was a huge cause for concern for the bottom of lineup. It wasn't easy for pitchers to move them along with a bunt and they always clogged up the bases if Jimmy came up after them.

Phillies pitching (including bullpen) hit for a whopping average of .091 with ZERO homeruns and 11 RBI's. We shouldn't expect too much from pitchers when it comes to offense, but this is downright disgusting. They also struggled getting down a bunt when they needed to with 29 sacrifice hits. All in all, the last three hitters were always cause for panic.

But it is a new year now which brings new hope and light to a recent hole of darkness. At our seventh slot this summer, either Rowand or Helms will be hitting. Both whom I'd pick in a heartbeat over David Bell. Rowand has the speed that Bell didn't have and Helms has the power. Actually, both have more power and should easily be considered an improvement. Rowand has come up with some key hits with the Phillies in 2006 and Helms seems to have finally found his swing this late in his career.

Our catcher will once again be hitting 8th and, once again, should be an improvement over Lieby. Barajas is best known for what he brings on defense, however, just a few years ago he did hit 21 homeruns. The scariest thing about him, however, is his horrid OBP. Only once in his entire career did he have an OBP over .300...and that total was .306. He doesn't hit for a high average and doesn't walk nearly as much as you would like an eight-hole hitter to. The main reason for optimism here is Ruiz. I thoroughly believe he is going to become our everyday catcher by the end of the year and will be at least average with the bat, which after all is all I would like to see. His speed, while not great, is also far superior to that of lieberthal and that fat bastard Fasano. (pictured above)

And finally, our pitchers should be much improved this season. I bolded 'should' because this spring training, we have heard talks on stressing fundamentals and improving the pitchers offense. The least we can ask for is a freaking sacrifice bunt when it is called upon. To ensure this, we all know of the coaching changes Gillick made. Hopefully it pays off.

Overall, the key to a good lineup is balance. Great 3-4-5 hitters are wonderful, but what happens if neither of those guys can get it done? The Phillies have had one of the most explosive offenses in the National League the past 2 years, however, most of this was due to the top of our lineup. Imagine how good this team can be if our 1 through 8 hitters ALL hit and not just 1 through 6.


And the answer to the title of this post: Because Seven Eight(ate) Nine. GET IT?!?!

I DID IT!!!!

Awhile ago I posted about how my life was overtaken by a rubik's cube and that I was going to go crazy until I solved it. Well...





TAKE THAT DR. RUBIK YOU ABSENT-MINDED JACKASS!!!!!

...My life is complete

Opening Day

I have been in Atlantic City the past two days raking in tons of cash from chumps at the poker tables...spring break is great. Due to this, I have no time today to make an intelligent post (some may think I never do). So instead I will just show you all something that will make your mouths water. And it isn't Carmen Electra:

You are now looking at the first win of a wonderful season
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and for good measure:

Philadelphia would win in a spelling contest

There is so much to talk about in regards to the Phillies. I could speak on Hamels and his workout routine or Lieber pitching good against the Reds. Dobbs is the hot story thus far and Victorino is hitting the cover off the ball. I could talk about how much Burrell means to the Phillies or how Davy Lopes is helping out Vic and Rollins. Then there is always the bullpen debacle that needs to be sorted out and the always interesting trade rumors that circulate everyday. Well, I personally think a lot of the sites listed to the right are doing a great job at discussing this all so I will try to broach a new subject. It is something that I loathe with every essence of my innner-being. Fans (I will not call them PHans) chanting "E-A-G-L-E-S EAGLES" at Phillies games.

It won't be long before the games start up again at Citizens Bank Park and we as true PHans have to endure this moronic football chant at a baseball game. The chant alone is fine...after the Eagles fight song plays...at an EAGLES game. Sure, go ahead. Spell out the team name all you want. But at a Phillies game is just plain ridiculous. You wouldn't go to a Spielberg movie and chant "S-C-O-R-S-E-S-E SCORSESE" if you didn't like the ending, would you? You don't go to Burger King and chant "W-E-N-D-Y-S WENDYS" if your whopper is over-cooked, do you? Then why on Earth do some people insist on chanting "E-A-G-L-E-S EAGLES" at a Phillies game when the Phillies start to lose? All that shows me is that those fans only enjoy a team when they are winning and not at any other time. Bandwagon is the exact definition of them. They chant EAGLES because the Birds have been the best team in the city over the past few years. And when the Phillies don't play so well, these idiots start to root for a winning team that ISN'T EVEN IN SEASON!!!!

Look, I like the Eagles. I am not nearly as psycho about them as most people in this town are, but I root for them every sunday they play and get upset when they constantly loose in the playoffs. But just because I am an Eagles fan, does not warrant me to chant them at a Phillies game. Same as how I like Wendys AND Burger King. And while Scorsese is way better than Spielberg, I enjoy Steven's films as well. Fans may be able to come up with good reasoning for booing certain players, but no one can come up with a legitimate reason why it O.K. to root for the Eagles when the Phillies aren't playing up to expectations.

I have a confession to make. When I was young, dumb and still in high school, I used to think it was cool to chant EAGLES in parking lots while tailgating for concerts. I saw that a lot of people joined in and it seemed like a fun thing to do. I have grown now and seen the error of my ways. Sure it may have seemed cool at the time...but so did this:



I know we shouldn't be so concerned with player's feelings. They make millions of dollars to play a kid's game and we shouldn't have to cater to their emotions. But does anyone honestly think that chanting for another team in this city makes our players really want to win a game if the other team just took the lead? No...we should always root for our team, but at the right stadium.




So please, if you see this man this summer at Citizens Bank Park, join me in kicking his ass.









I was also looking through the Phillies mailbag last night and came across three VERY dumb questions. I just thought I'd share them with you:

What will the Phillies' record be and where will they finish in the National League standings? Will they win the division, Wild Card or miss out on the postseason?
-- Drew P., Boothwyn, Pa.

Like anyone knows the answer to this. What kind of response was Drew looking for? By the way: 93 wins

Why didn't the Phillies sign Ryan Howard to a multiyear deal? Should we expect him to be playing somewhere else after this season? I'm really worried.
-- Barry L., Harrisburg, Pa.

Barry, aside from being dumb, is probably a pussy. "I'm really worried"...quit crying

Whatever became of Randy Wolf?
-- Bill M., New Orleans, La.

If you have access to the internet, why waste your time and energy writing Ken Mandel this question? Google the words "Randy Wolf" jackass

Thoughts on the First Televised Game of the Year

Wow. It was a beautiful sight. Warm sunny weather with palm trees all around. Fans drinking beer while watching a game. Harry Kalas talking about the Phightins. The first televised game of the year was something I have been looking forward to since pitchers and catchers reported down to Clearwater. I woke up at 12:45 (it was a late night on Saturday) and turned on channel 200 to catch Phillies baseball in all its high definition glory. Here are my thoughts as I watched the game.

• The Sarge may be a nice guy and all. I like him. He was a great Phillie and knows what he is talking about. He, however, doesn't know how to say it very well. Sorry Gary, broadcasting is NOT your thing. Thank Jesus for Harry.
• In the 1 minute segment where Burrell was interviewed about how his foot was feeling, he looked SO hungover. I loved it.
• Staying with Burrell, he looked real good running from first to third on Helms LONG single. It was nice to see him being aggressive on the basepaths. His double, besides from being a nice piece of hitting, was also good running. He obviously realized that my Grandmother throws better than Damon and that he could easily get to second. A monster season lies ahead.
  
• I am already horribly sick of the 'Goosebumps' commercials. The marketing staff better roll out some better ads to air during the season.
  
• Jason Werth looks like a taller version of Chase Utley from far away. A taller, far less athletic, far less awesome version of Utley. How dare he try to steal Utley's facial hair style!
  
• It was depressing to see how many fans left halfway through the game. When I went down to Clearwater 2 years ago, I wouldn't think twice about leaving early. Those sorry ass excuses for fans disgust me.
  
• Hamels looked real sharp today. The wind helped him a bit with Giambi's first at-bat, but he was taking care of the Yankees.
  
• I hate the Yankees

Also, want to know how straight Pat Burrell is?



He doesn't even slap Howard on the ass like most baseball players do. He hits his back. What a manly man...

A lot of People Suck

This article enraged me. Actually, the writing was fine, it was the content in it which made me see some of the disgusting scumbag shitheads that are in this world. The late Cory Lidle's estate, AKA his wife Melanie, is being sued by some dickwad dentist for 'sever damage' done to his apartment when Cory's plane crashed into it. Let me preface my next statements by saying that I am ignorant to the law and do not know much of it. I've never studied law nor do I understand much about lawsuits.

That said, there is nothing moral or right about a RICH...let me say that again...RICH doctor suing a widow who just lost her husband 5 months ago in a tragic and unexpected ACCIDENT...let me say that again...ACCIDENT!!! I don't even have anything logical or planned to write here. I am just upset that people in this world are willing to try anything to get another buck. By the way, he is suing Mrs. Lidle for 7 million dollars. Rosenthal, the dentist, also sued a dating-book author a few years ago for saying that he sucks at his profession. I also want to add that Rosenthal has such patients as Donald Trump, Bruce Springsteen and Catherine Zeta-Jones. Basically, he isn't one of those struggling dentist you see by the freeway begging for your change.

Courtesy of Seinfeld: "What do you call a doctor who failed out of Med school?... A Dentist" This man has made me an 'anti-dentite.'

Want more cases of Jackasses in this world? Sure you do...












THESE ARE THE GAYEST PICTURES I HAVE EVER SEEN!!!! And again to quote Seinfeld: "Not that there is anything wrong with that." David Wright can say all he wants about J-Roll running his mouth and talking a lot of smack. This may all be true. Jimmy may be cocky, but at least he doesn't take cocks in the ass from a teammate wearing a Jimmy-hat. (I personally thought that was clever)

THE METS ARE GAY...and these pictures are proof. Now I know the division is ours. There is no way our boys are gonna take it from these two fanny-bandits.

And here is another gay Met from the past...



...the world is becoming a sad sad place to be. Also, I should note that I am not homo-phobic so don't think I am a horrible person. I just hate the Mets.

lager

After a full night of drinking (I am still in college afterall), I want to share what is on my Phillies mind.

- Howard was walked before Burrell tonight in the Exhibition 'exhibition game,' and what did Burrell do...
Double down the line to score Howard from first. Yes it was only against a college team, however, I see this as an omen of things to come in 2007.

- Watching ESPN at the bar tonight, I saw baseball scores scrolling across the bottom of the screen. It was a BEAUTIFUL sight.

- J.A. Happ has his own blog called "What's HAPPening." Very clever title. Maybe I'll try to get a link on there...and fail miserably

- Utley hit a homerun tonight because he is the second coming of Jesus...

- IT IS AMAZING TO BE TALKING ABOUT BASEBALL GAMES AGAIN!



...sorry if what I just typed sounded uneducated or dumb. Yuengling is my favorite friend.


P.S. - Funny sidenote. There was a game called QUIZO played at the bar I went to tonight. You get in teams and answer dumb questions. The most clever team name I heard tonight: "Ellen DeGeneres' favorite thing about the Oscars was going down on the red carpet." Geniuses if you ask me.