Wednesday, March 14

How to truly promote the Phillies

Yesterday, I was looking over the Press Release regarding the 2007 Phillies promotions schedule. And while some are nice and would easily entice me to go to a game (Shane Victorino Hula Skirt Figurine Night...), I thought I would make up some of my own.

  1. Easter Egg Night
    This isn't as gay as it sounds. Every fan gets half a dozen red-painted Easter eggs and during the 7th inning stretch is allowed to throw them at any player on the field. No Phillies players are to be hit with the exception of Abraham Nunez, our manager and whatever bullpen member is horribly sucking at the time...this player would be Arthur Rhodes last season. This date should be held on April 16. It may be 8 days after Easter, but it is against the Mets. I would have a field day with Reyes.

  2. Heidi Strobel Bikini Fun Day
    I first mentioned Bikini Fun Day back in February and still think it would be an amazing event for Citizens Bank Park to hold. What is Bikini Fun Day? Simple... it is a day where ladies can come to the Bank and have fun in their bikinis. And of course, Cole's new wife would have to be present promoting all the various aspects of bikini fun. Sprinklers will be provided. This day of fun can be on Thursday, July 26 at 1:05 during the hot days of summer.

  3. Pat Burrell AIDS Test Night
    Well... I don't really have to explain the reasoning behind this one, do I? We all know of Pat's uncanny ability to pull in any piece of tail he wants. It is quite impressive. And while I am sure he is never a fool and wraps his tool, AIDS is still out there. Every Fan entering the park on this day will get a free AIDS test to let them know that Burrell cares about his manlihood.

  4. Charlie Manuel Bobble Stomach Giveaway
    Sure, the Shane Victorino Hula Skirt thing will be fun. But how great will an eight inch figurine of Charlie Manuel be, where his fat old stomach shakes and bobbles like the bowl of jelly it is? Fun for all ages and can also be used as a educational tool for the young ones. Parents can show their kids that no one ever wants to grow up and look like this. It will promote diet and exercise and can help keep America beautiful...not fat.



...I'm heading to the Phillies front office tomorrow to make sure these promotions happen for the good of this country, particularly the Phillies phan base.

10 comments:

furiousBall said...

I'll absolutely be there for Bikini Fun Day.

I think any time JD Drew visits the Phils it should be hard projectile night.

Skeeter said...

hahaha...battery night with JD Drew

GM-Carson said...

I love the Manuel bobble-belly idea, I'd blow that bitch to smithereens!

Skeeter said...

You'd blow Manuel? Carson, you make me sick

Mike said...

Good ideas!

But I'd need at least 2 dozen eggs just for Nunez.

Antonio Alfonseca 6 Fingered Glove Night would also guarantee a big crowd.

Anonymous said...

How about David Bell Appreciation Night? All fans revieve a trial of human growth hormone!

Skeeter said...

ooohhh good one with the 6-fingered glove.

but would that work? A 6 fingered glove would only fit freaks like him. I'd still go though

Skeeter said...

wow....mcd, we just posted a comment at the exact same time. Amazing.

...and David Bell does suck.

how about poker night with Pete Rose?

Anonymous said...

I don't know about you, but I think the Phillies did a great job with their promotion schedule. I personally will attending the promotion nights honoring Boyz II Men for Black Music Month and, more importantly, Latino Family Celebration Night.

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