My Man-Crush on Shane Victorino/Caption Contest

I am really no in the mood to discuss trade rumors that won't amount to anything. And talking about our horrid bullpen will only make me depressed. So I want to further express my (hetero-) love for our only American Phillie not born in the Continental United States: Shane "I am the coolest dude ever" Victorino.

Spring Training is basically meaningless. I actually just got into a squabble with a female friend of mine who happens to be a Yankees fan. She was trying to get under my skin by saying the Phillies sucks because they are 5-7 and the Yankees are 8-2. I told her she is a "dumb Yankee snob" and then showed her my pimp hand...no one talks trash on the Phillies!! And all while Spring Training rarely shows how good a player truly is or how good a team actually will be, watching (or in this case listening) to Victorino's play has been quite a treat.

We all know about him: Great arm, Great speed, Great on defense, A lot of heart, A lot of hustle, Hawaiian...there is very little to NOT like about his character and ability to play the game. But look at his stats thus far: 9 games, 29 at bats, 7 runs, 13 hits, 2 doubles, 2 stolen bases, 1 strikeout, .448 AVG. Simply amazing. We can't expect this ALL year but it is becoming apparent that Victorino is going to be a huge factor in the Phillies playoff push. If he does over a full season what he did when he was covering Rowand's reckless ass last year, I'll be satisfied. I honestly expect a remarkable season though.

I say over .300 with 13 homeruns and 60+ RBIs. He is still two years from his 'prime' and if last season and this Spring is any indicator of our future with this man, I see great things. As important as a leadoff hitter is, so is a good man for the 2-hole. Someone who makes contact and can move the runner. With Rollins and Victorino on the bases, pitchers will undoubtedly have a tough time focusing on Utley and Howard. Shane is a key component for the Phillies in 2007 and beyond. I don't ever want to hear trade rumors involving him.

Sidenote: He will not steal that many bases this season. Not because he isn't fast or sucks at it. It is just illogical for someone to steal second in front of a left-handed Utley.
Two reasons:
- It takes the hole away on the right side of the infield, thus taking away an advantage for Utley to pull the ball
- Consider this scenario: Rollins pops up, Victorino singles, Victorino steals 2nd, Utley strikes out. Guess who isn't getting pitched to next?

My Shane prediction of 2007: hits for the cycle

My Shane nickname: Volcanarino...a mix of Volcano and Victorino AKA the most cleverest thing ever!
Other names suggested by my roommate/team member, Muller: Hawaiian Gold, Pineapple Punisher, Volcano Penis (I didn't get that one), the Pacific Pounder, the Sandy Speedster, the Tanned Torpedo, the Maui Madman, the Honolulu Horror, Volcanic ASHole, and of course..."Fuck Alaska" Victorino. I would love to hear Harry Kalas use that one on a homerun call.

The Shane Victorino Caption Contest

What is he saying to this lucky fan that is making her so happy? I hope someone can top Corey's response in our last Caption Contest. If you're clever, leave it below.